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Scarlette Isaac

Let's start having difficult conversations…

Starting a conversation about mental health can be hard - but it’s something we need to get comfortable doing in order for positive change to occur. In this blog, we look at how to approach difficult conversations with colleagues who you’ve noticed struggling recently. 


Location, location, location 


No one wants to have a heart-to-heart in the middle of a corridor in the busiest ward of the hospital. Where you choose to have your chat matters so make sure you go somewhere away from the hustle and bustle. We’d recommend grabbing a coffee or going for a walk on your break if it’s not too chilly! 


Avoid making blasé comments 


When being emotionally vulnerable with someone, the last thing you want to hear is “just get on with it” or “a lot of people have it worse”. In fact, these types of comments will only bring up feelings of guilt, and make that person feel that their feelings are invalid. In the worst case scenario, it may prevent them from asking for help again in the future. Moral of the story? Think before you speak. 


Show empathy 


Using supportive statements such as “I appreciate this must be hard for you” and “If you feel comfortable telling me more, I’m here to listen”. This will hopefully help the person you’re talking to feel more comfortable opening up to you. 


Be an active listener 


Being an active listener means truly understanding and absorbing what the other person is telling you. You can show that you are listening by responding only when appropriate (e.g. when you have something insightful to add rather than for the sake of it), as well nodding and actively taking in the information being shared. 


Ask open questions  


If you’re only asking closed ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions, you can expect to get very far in terms of figuring out the kind of support your colleague needs. Instead, try asking open ended questions that allow the person to talk through their problems/feelings. For example:


  • Can you tell me more about how you’ve been feeling?

  • Who do you have supporting you at the moment? 

  • I know you mentioned X is bothering you. What would help you with this? 


Point them in the right direction 


In a non-patronising tenor, ensure you let the person know what support there is available (including how you might like to help them). It’s also important that they feel empowered to make their own decisions around next steps once you’ve helped talk through the options. Obviously, you will need to set boundaries here about how much you can help and how but overall, just knowing you care is usually a massive weight lifted. 


If someone needs immediate medical advice due to their mental health then direct them to their nearest GP or A&E unit. 


Ending the conversation 


The conversation may not always come to a natural end, and in this case it is best to close with: 


  • Thanking the person for sharing/opening up 

  • Summarising any points of agreement or next steps 

  • Ensure they are safe getting home or finding out where they are going next/if  they are meeting a friend/family member. 

  • Offer to meet up again another time for a catch up should you feel comfortable doing so. 


We hope you found this blog useful - let’s continue to raise each other up and create a positive workplace for all.


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